How have you been? It does seem like a long time between my visits to this wonderful blogsphere. As much as I would love to write every day, I am limited by my call of duty in the real world. But the moments that I spend in front of my tiny lap top screen to write a few words, although short, are very sweet.
Does it come across to you that I am a very determined and ambitious person? Maybe, maybe not, but there is one downside to this. I get a lot done and achieve great things for sure, but it also leaves me with no time to enjoy my life.... right now.
I am perpetually planning and preparing for the future, the oh so bright and beautiful but deceitful future that never comes. As I live through everyday, in an organized and preplanned rush, I always think in my head, "I am doing this today so that I can enjoy it tomorrow". But tomorrow never comes.
I do this most about my job situation. I somehow always find myself in a job search mode. The fact that majority of my positions are contract does not help either, but as soon as I secure a contract no matter how long it is, I am instantly on the hunt for the next contract for the FUTURE. I convince myself by saying that this is good planning, but as I am constantly worrying about what I am going to do once the present contract is over, I always forget to enjoy the work that I am doing at the moment.
Strangely enough I realized this only recently and the realization hit me like a rock. After I had started working in my dream job and in an area I dream of owning a house in the future; I found myself, yet again contemplating life after this contract is over. Then, one sunny morning while going to work, I saw something that changed my whole outlook on life. I saw a woman on her bike, one moment she was putting the freshly bought flowers in the basket and the next moment; somehow losing her balance she crashed face first into the back of a pickup truck.
I know that compared to the things that many people experience everyday all over the world, this little incident was maybe nothing. But it shook me, it made me realize, that the tomorrow I am perpetually preparing for might never come the way I imagine it. What I really have is the present, the little moments that I let go by unnoticed. Well, not anymore, never again.
Have you ever made a decision after encountering something life changing?? Please share if you wouldn't mind. I would really love to hear your thoughts, stories and experiences.
Wearing: Guess Dress, H&M Blazer, Ardene Necklace and Stockings, Nine West Pumps and Dreamy Vintage Bracelet